God's Holy Trousers

Music for Men who would be King

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What is Trousersound?

“Trousersound? Oh no thank you- it gives me indigestion.” quipped Samuel Johnson when offered some at a pool-side barbeque. What Dr Johnson didn’t know however is that Trousersound does not have to be administered orally but can also be injected intravenously or taken as a suppository (as Tony Hancock once found out to consequences at once hilarious and tragic).

Although readily available from the gift shops of most botanical gardens in Bradford as well being sold over the counter from a number of costumiers in Burnley, Trousersound can be made at home using the kind of domestic products that you are likely to have already lying in your bathroom cabinet.

The Trousersound molecule comprises chains of double-helix polymers that grind their teeth in time to Demis Roussos’s Forever And Ever and squabble over the origin of the term “the term” (which in fact is named after noted anarcho-etymologist Berthold The Term). It is this that gives Trousersound its lustrous patina and its characteristic, pungent aroma.

“It doesn’t bloody well grow on trees you know!” Peppermint Patty has been quoted as saying. If she had been talking about Trousersound, as some have speculated she was, she would have been absolutely correct. However modern scholarship has recently unearthed documentary evidence that casts doubt over this opinion. The academic community is more or less unanimous in the opinion that she was talking about acorns, which of course do grow on trees.

Kindly reproduced from Audiochemistry Periodical Volume 12 Edition 7.